“The Goddess weaves her magic through the seasons, endlessly aging and growing young. She gives birth to the wild force of Nature, unleashing her mighty child to grow, and decay – sacrificing her progeny time and again into the vast Dark, feeding the Power of Life. Ahh – time to look at what we have birthed into being this year. What did we bring forth that totally awakened our desire? What of our own creations did we so fall in love with that we married it down in the marrow of our bones? What now are we getting ready to take with us into the dark?
Fall is a time of decision, of gathering in, of choosing what to keep and what to let go. Fall now into our heart of hearts. Dive now into the deep end of the pool of ourselves. Let go of the above ground. Burrow now into our dream cave taking with us the final harvest, the essential piece that will nourish the root of our being and bring us through to our next life.”
– Miriam Dyak, Mother Tongue Ink
“She gives birth to the wild force of Nature.” The line sticks with me as I contemplate how each mother in her own way also gives birth to the ongoing force of human nature – with little ones often bringing with them wild joy and spontaneity – and sometimes wild, unbridled energy. We do a serious work bringing our children into the world – and can at times forget our own center or balance as we set aside so much in service of another.
Today’s Equinox – a time of equal lightness and darkness – ushers forth the perfect opportunity to reflect on balance. While summer offers the natural space for extraversion and generativity, the advent of this new, darker season serves up a moment to contemplate how balanced or imbalanced we’ve been. How can we say goodbye to the fruits of summer and recommit to a sane rhythm of life as the season shifts? What to keep and what to let go?
A friend once said she was so tired of reading ‘mom blogs’ that dwell on how exhausted parenting can make us and how many messes we are tasked with tending to. Her comment has stayed with me as I’ve struggled to find balance these years while these two dominant themes seem to rule my experience. Exhaustion and Mess. Should I just gloss over these overwhelming aspects of motherhood? Should I shift my focus? Even in the midst of the dishes and laundry and wet bed sheets and diapers, what do we also bring forth that inspires our creativity and inspiration? It must be about finding balance – and honoring both sides of our experience. Yes, exhausted. Yes, always a mess. Yes, zany, wild joy!
The word balance comes from the Latin ‘bi lanx’- ‘having two scalepans.’ As mothers we are always holding many scalepans, and perhaps the key is to find the grounded center in the middle while holding all the conflicting realities and responsibilities. If we tip one direction and get lost in the tiredness and the never-ending piles of housekeeping, we lose balance. If we tip another direction and get lost in work, we lose balance. And if we only play and frolic, we also lose balance. Instead, the invitation is to hold the myriad scalepans from a grounded center of perspective. Yes, I’m tired and yes I can’t stay ahead of the mess. But I can also enjoy the daily delights with full presence and appreciation along the way. I can focus fully in one area, then focus fully in another.
Nonetheless, the exhaustion and messes do serve as a significant backdrop and inform my experience of balance (or imbalance!). I am at my most balanced when I can hold the scalepans of exhaustion of mess and not let them take me down. I am at my most balanced when I remember to see through the lens of joy and appreciation. For me, the quiet moments with my children in the garden or under our grapes, or the moments dipping our toes into a creek on a hot day have most recently brought me joy. The delight has been about bringing forth a quality of life for my family which will hopefully endure into the future through sane and grounded children going on to become sane and grounded young men. Part of this is modeling a slowness and relaxedness, even in the midst of often overwhelming responsibility. When I hold this perspective while tending to the duties of caregiving and householding, I can find a more sustainable center of gravity from which to live.
As Miriam Dyak reminds me, fall can be a time of decision, of gathering in and of choosing what to keep and what to let go. What are we balancing in our lives right now? How are the scales tipping? How do we stand in the center? What perspective dominates? What are we getting ready to take with us into the dark? What would like to fall away like the leaves leaving their trees?
Burrowing into the dream cave of darker days indeed does call – and a dive into the deep end our ourselves…